I Love You....bee...but I cant to have you...

I've just completed to fast in a month before the Happy Raya is coming.....I tried to be stronger and stronger in order to force myself into fast....Yes I did it....I had fast for a whole month...I never take any food and drinks....but I've just started from 6 a.m untill 6.24pm..the I started to drinks and taking food....

Although it was so hard at the moment I fast, but I think it's worth if I fast for someone....someone really touching my soul and lmy ife....This is my bee...
maybe you're right, it was my fault to make you left me from behind. and this time, I am going to fast for you.. I love you bee, no matter what's going on..i Love you bee...it was a month a go I've never call my bee....I really miss you and listen from your sound...huhu... I do really miss you so much bee.....

Dunia Kiamat kpda Nick....

bee.....kalao da bee bca blog nie....sbab dee wat smua tu.....da lah kerana dee sedar....dee dah kehilangan bee wat segala2nya..... bila dee minta dee jumpa bee wat kali terakhir....tpi bee bilang nak bawa boyfriend baru bee.....

sebenarnya bee langsung x menghormati dee.....dee cuma da permintaan wat kali terakhir dgn bee.....tpi bee ckp cem tu dgn dee.....dlm kol lgi bee ckp cem orng lain...slama nie bee x pena ckp cem tu dgn dee....seolah2 dee menganggap dee sbgai brg sejak...... cuma permintaan kecil sejak...tpi bee wat segala2nya.....


Dee akn membeku semua kenangan yg manis antara dee dgn bee dlm ati, ingatan dan kehidupa dee.....walao pun bee x hargai kesemuanya drpada dee....dee trima jek.... :-( biar lah dee tanggung kesemuanya....drpda x dihargai....

kalo bee memilih kwn anu.... bee truskan jek lah.....dee mendoakan bee.... dan ingat hargai percintaan drpda kwn anu.... jgn pai tragedi mcam dee.....

Lebih baik panggil bee Nor.....dee Nick...

dlm ati dee........perkataan bee tetap wujud dan hidup selama2nya...........Dee tetap cintai bee..

Jaga diri...bila dee xda...bye....semoga Tuhan menjaga bee...dan memgkurniakan kesihatan yg baik kpda bee..dan harap bleh berjaya dlm kejayaan...... sbab hari nie bee da wat interview.....
dee akn sentiasa doakan bee......GOod bye....forever.....

bagaimana anda rasa sekiranya putus cinta ((( Broken Heart)))

Bayangkanlah bagaimana keadaan kawan kita apabila putus cinta dengan seseorang yang sangat dikasihinya…pasti kawan kita akan berasa kecewa dan tidak mungkin dia akan ketawa.... Kawan kita mungkin akan kurungkan diri berjam-jam di dalam bilik, lepas tu nangis macam bayi... tidak mahu diganggu sebab ingin tenangkan fikiran....

Kalaolah kawan kita membuat silap dengan kekasihnya, minta maaf daripada kekasihnya... tapi kawan akan tertanya-tanya “Bolehkah dia maafkan aku”? cubalah kalao kekasihnya maafkan, syukur. Kalao tidak, sudah nasib badan...

Kawan itu hanya akan menangis jika perkara itu benar-benar menyentak perasaan hatinya, tetapi apa pula perkara yang akan membuat hati lelaki tersentak ...? salah satu sebabnya ialah kehilangan kekasihnya tidak kiralah kekasih hati, ibu, isteri dan anak mahupun barang kesayangan yang bagai kekasihnya....

Jadi kepada lelaki/wanita di luar sana, jika ada lelaki yang sanggup mengalirkan air mata untuk anda, Hargainya...!!! Menangis di khalayak ramai pasti akan membuat hati lelaki tu malu besar terutama di hadapan kawan-kawannya... x macho langsung... dalah kena kutuk... malu lagi... siapa yang hendak tanggung, lainlah jika ada peristiwa yang benar-benar menyayat hati... Jangan sesekali memperkecil dan menganggap tindakan teman lelaki anda itu bodoh dan mengada-ngada! Jangan terperanjat jika ada lelaki yang sanggup menangis dan melutut di hadapanmu...

Hargai air mata seseorang lelaki(dee)

Bee yang membuktikannya kepada dee..... bee tidak lagi berminat sama dee.....dalam setiap hari, hanya masa tertentu sahaja bee akan message dee...iaitu lewat malam.. dan setiap hari message bee kpad dee tidak akan lebih daripada 5 message....kadang-kadang 2 hingga 3 jek...masih ingat pa yg bee tanya dee tentang bee.....tpi dee bilang nanti bee akan tahu sendiri... Jawapanya...bila bee x balas message dgn dee....dee paham akan pa yang bee sedang wat..... Jdi dee Cuma undurkan diri jek....daripada menambahkan beban bee...dan kandungan message bee seolah-olah xnak bermessage dee...1 hingga 2 baris....5 hingga 10 patah perkataan...

masih ingat time bee call dee.... bee marah dee bilangnya dee cem x mau ckp dgn bee....k lah bye lah... sbenarnya dee tertidu di ruang tamu... dee dah sakit selama semiggu, x sembuh2 lagi....Selesma.. bukan bee tahu jugakan...bee menanya dee tidu kah...dee bilang tidaklah...sebab nak ckp sma bee...tpi...pa yg terjadi...??? matikan handphone terus..langsung x hiraukan perasaan dee... bukannya dee x mau ckp...Cuma ...

The time I’am not message you, it doesn’t mean I’m not miss you...

The time I’am not call you, it doesn’t mean i’m not love you....

But it’s because.... you’re not mine already....You’re actually belong to someone else...

As usual I took out my handphone every day in school....as becoming muy routine...but all my efforts seemed all in vain....

Try to understand the lyric of the song....I’m Lost Without You by Delta Godreem

Maybe I’am not your real love....maybe you think that the time u and me just considered as Games..... but I can tell you that...Love is not a game...we all need to be responsible at all..... maybe you wont cry even a trickle of tear for me....and you’re not realized how’s my feeling for everyday..... You will never get to know ....seriously....

maybe u dont understand how did I feel for so long....maybe it doesn't mean anything to u....but what I can tell you is I always thinking your side....no matter what are you doing there...what you've done to me....I care you all the time......Seriously doing it...

kpda bee....orng yg penting dlm ati sya..

Kepada bee….
X kira pa2 yang tlah berlaku antara kita b’dua...dee jujur..dee xda marah dan perasaan benci dengan bee.. walau pa yg tlah bee lakukan... dee masih sayang dgn bee... dee btul sedih..nape bee wat cem tu dgn dee...pai ati wat nkal d blakang dee... bee x b’salah...segala2nya dee yang salah sendiri...biarlah dee tanggung semua nie..anggap jek lah dee ada knalan baru....

Stiap pgi, dee tunggu tau stiap stgah jam, dee kasi kluarkan hand phone dri pocket. Tengok da msg kah x...pi slama nie...langsung xda msg dee...pdahal stiap pgi bermsg dgn org lain..stiap mlm, bilang nak tidu, ngantuk. Tpi pa yg bee wat...b’r msg dgn org lain....

6 bulan tau, bkan panjang dn bkannya pendek...bis nape wat smua nie... dee tau, dee bkan golongan kaya, xda kreta, xda umah...smua xda...tpi dee masi blajar kan...bee yg uruh dee jdi cikgu... dah 2 blan lbih tau xteringin langsung nk jmpa dee...pai ari jdi dee pun bee x kisah..pai ati tau....>.<.. dee xda nkal tau d blakang bee..bis sapa yg wat hal skrng..nk terlerainya hubungan cinta kita....dee b’rasa malu sngt, bermuka tebal sngat..mrayu bee supaya truskan percintaan kita....
Xpalah bee...dee paham stuasi skrng dlm cinta tiga segi nie.... kalao bee rasa permulaan kita dalah atu kesilapan, dee memilih tarik diri....walaupun bee x hargai dee..tpi dlm ati dee.... dee tetap bersama dgn bee... dee mendoakan bee supaya bhgia dgn bdak bru tu pai ke akhir hayat.... dee minta maaf kpda bee....krna slama nie m’mbebankan bee..xdpt memenuhi hati bee...

Bee xsalah....Cuma..masa yg m’bawa dee berjumpa dgn bee....
masa yg m’hancurkan percintaan kita......

Kalao kita btul2 m’cintai s’seorang, kita xakn m’desak orng yg kita sayangi...

Kita sanggup wat pa sjak demi nk org yg kita sayangi bahagia dn gembira stiap masa

Bila kita gi tepi pantai letak psir d tpak tangan kita. Bila kita kuat2 mencengkamnya..psir akn t’himpit dn t’tekan lalu m’galir kesmuanya dri tapak tngan kita shingga bis..dee xnak m’desak bee....x nak m’lukai ati dee...

Sebaliknya, bila kita lpaskn tngan kita, psir tu akn mgalir keluar dgn gembira dan bahagia...skurang2 nya masi tertinggal sdkit psir di tas tpak tngan kita...m’buatnya sbgai kenangan yg terindah.... Lgu Cinta Terakhir dripda Aiman

mungkinkan terlerai tanpa ikatan...usah ragu dgn takdir...mungkin kta kan berbeza haluan...berakhirnya crita percintaan....sgalanya ketentuan TuHAN!

Trma kasih tas pengorbanan masa, wang dan cinta di atas dee....
dee akn mengingati smua crita yg kita lalui brsama... pa2 pun...dee tetap sayangi bee walau pa yg bee lakukan... smoga Tuhan memberkati dua insan yg baru bercinta...

what is Luv......I dun understand..

I was fucking downed today…. As usual, I woke up on 5.25a.m. I then jumped out of my bed and dashed to the washroom, iron my school uniform. Stubbing my toe in the process, I then grabbed my school bag and took a ride in the school bus.
Ring…. The bell rang, we headed to assemble. In the process, there were few weird and questions popping up my mind as I wondered what’s going on today..? At first, one of the girl screamed in the classroom liked seeing ghost…. OMG…. The classroom was an attention for everyone. At that particular jiffy, roars and sounds kept risen up.
Next, we heated up some of teachers, 1^st is Puan Zunaidah Zakaria our core curriculum, followed by our disciplinary master and last I got hair cut for that moment

At night, I used to check the called detail for my number. Then I registered for my bee… At first my bee wont to forward the password to me as she knew something is going wrong. At last, she forwarded the password to me that I used to log in her account. Out of my thinking, what I’ve seen was many alien numbers that is not belongs to me, but somebody…

Then I made a copy in my mini pen drive, questions kept thundering my mind as I was thinking. Did she could explain to me for all this things… when I was home; I dashed in front of my computer and turned it on. Then I started busy to check it all, there were few frequently numbers when my Love busy to send message but not me. Starting from the early morning my bee kept messaging on him. At the same time, every 30 minutes I put out my phone and gazed to the rectangle screen (hand phone). Unfortunately, I’ve never receive even a single message form my bee. She messaged to somebody but not me…

Every night, what my bee messaged me and said, “Good night I’m sleepy now” then I stopped to message her. Who knows, she continued message to the others. She was willing to sacrifice me everyday, every night. Then I started to realize, she is not belongs to me anymore. I called and let her to know all of these.

She asked me why I did it so on her and said thank you. I was so downed like the world crashing downed on my little heart. I was waiting her explanation… but she just kept it in silent. Tears started rolling down my cheek, I cried bitterly. I said, “How much I Love you, then how much I get hurt”

She told me everything as she was actually lying to me for so long. My bee met someone new, an Iban man. The guy is so kind to her, always brought her out for having food, tea and much more. Never is thinking, how it could happen on me…

She chooses to leave me behind and continue her new relationship. I don’t understand, more than half-year we’re staying together. But she is more likely to be someone else just around two months comparing to our 6 months relationship.

From that moment, Nick is death forever… because of love. I don’t understand what is actually loved…???? Death…..

4th January 2010 midnight...Everything is changed..!!

Why all these happened to me…??? Why my ayang likes to torture and hurts me…I know and I realized Nick(dear)is just a (kampung boy) staying in a kampung place named Tawau… It’s 500 km far away from my ayang…Tonight, I was crying… tears kept rolling down and touched down on the table when I was messaged my ayng…

On the 28 of December 2009, my ayang told me that I am still my ayang great boy friend . I was placed in heaven again after I read it in the message. It was so sweets, nice, beautiful and touched my heart and my soul. But now… bad things; dark and evil, Satan is against me by ruining my life again. My little hopes with my ayang… my sweets dream… Even now, I can’t imagine why my ayang still could make me cry…hurt…suffer…I’m not suppose to deserve it.It’s my 1^st Luv, I’d never Luv some liked this before… How great my ayang could make me cry… It was so sweets at first… Rul is the one who hang up my call and stopped to message without inform me… I even asked my little heart for so much time… was I doing something wrong…? I don’t think so. I’m so care about my ayang’s health… I always remind my ayang to have lunch and dinner on time, drive safe, and never take the red meat because of health problem.
My ayang dedicated a song to me “Cinta Terakhir” by Aiman. “Mungkinkan terputus di tengah jalan…Mungkinkan terlerai tanpa ikatan… Usah ragu dengan taktir… Mungkin kita kan berbeza haluan… Berakhirnya cerita percintaan…Segalanya ketentuan Tuhan…I was waiting a message, a call from someone, someone that can go through in my life… wondering if someone will sing this song with me…It’s my ayang… even there is a distance between our age…Cuma ajal sahaja yang boleh pisakan kita…dear cintai ayang lebih daripada dear cintai diri sendiri…

Giving up doesn’t always mean u’re weak…Sometimes it just means your strong enough to let go.

Salt makes me feel like...

Even now I still LuV my ayang......very much...very much......I cant believe my ayang went to k.L just to meet her boy friend...I am so suck.....and I hate myself by losing my ayang...what I've done.... am I wrong....??? Even now I cant find the real answer the main factor.....Last night, my Ayang broke in my dream again....My ayang told me she was so sad and upset...Is blur..and blur...

I messaged my ayang..and told me....shopping with her boyfriend.....What ....!!! I am just pretend like nothing..but I just hide it....and....!!!
It is not nice...not good....but what I can do....ther is nothing I can do....to my Ayang.....
Everyday, My ayang make the thought in my mind...and make a conclusion before I getting unconsciously Luv U Ayang.....no matter wherever go and whatever you do...please take very careful of yourself....Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.....Luv u Ayang....